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Episode 22 - Disclosure

One of the greatest challenges of living positively with HIV/AIDS is the act of telling your loved about your status.  No two people react in the same way when confronted with the HIV positive status of a loved one and some HIV positive people are often rejected by their friends, family, and colleagues. This rejection is because of the stigma that still surrounds the disease in our communities. The decisions to be made of when, where and to who to disclose to aren't easy but as this episode of Siyayinqoba Beat It! shows disclosing to loved ones, however hard, most often brings about acceptance, understanding and treatment support.

Shalom Ncala: Sanibonani siyanamukela ku Siyayinqoba Beat It! Uhlelo lwabo bonke abantu abahlangabezana futhi baobe izintselelo zesandulela ngculaza  kanye ne ngculaza. Namhlanje sidingida ukuthi sibajela njani abantu ukuthi siphila nechiwane lesandulela ngculaza. Lena akuyona into elula ukuyenza ngoba siyesaba ukuthi labe sibathandayo bangasihlamuka. Kodwa ke njengobana sizobona namuhlanje kuyinto entle kethina kanye mabo esisondelane nabo ukukhuluma ngesimo sethu sesandulela ngculaza. Samkela ithimba elikhuthazayo. Akhe siye eNtshonalanga Koloni ke siyohlangana no Bulelwa ozakusitsela kwenzakalani umhla etsela umama wakhe ukuthi uphila negciwane lesandulela ngculaza. (IsiZulu) Hello, welcome to Siyayinqoba Beat! The programme for everyone meeting and beating the challenges of HIV and AIDS.  Today we are talking about how we tell others that we are living with HIV. It is often not an easy thing to do because we are scared that those we love may reject us. But as we will see today, it is good for us and others to talk about our HIV status. Welcome to the support group. Let's go to the Western Cape and meet Bulelwa who tells us what happens when she told herd mother she was living with HIV.

Luvuyo Nibe: Namhlanje sise Khayelitsha ko F, sithetha no Bulelwa  esichachisela kabanzi ukuba wenza njani uku disclose kumama wakhe . Waqala nini ukuzazi ukuba u-HIV positive? (IsiXhosa) Today we're in Khayelitsha, F Section to talk to Bulelwa about how she disclosed to her mother. When did you find out that you are HIV positive?

Bulelwa Lindiso: Ukuqala kwam ukuziva ukuba ndine HIV ndizive ngo 2005 ngo June. Ndaphathwa yi pain elapha esiswini nalapha emqolo ndaqonda ukuba mandiye ekliniki. Wathi uqgirha kum ndakhe ndayi testela na i- HIV ndathi kemna hayi. Wnadinika I form wati mandiyo testa. Ndaya xa ndifika kwelagumbi lo counselling wathi lasista wandi counselisha phaya endlini uzakuxelela bani ngowuphi umntu omthembileyo phaya endlini . Ndacinga ke mna ndathi okay ndiza kuxelela umama. Akekho omnye umntu endimthembileyo ngaphandle kwakhe. Ndizakuxelela yena. Okay ke wabuya lasisi  ne results wathi sisi kufumaniseka ukuba u HIV positive. Iyo hayi ndothuka, ndothuka nyani. Ndahmaba ndayicinga yonke lento apha endleleni , ndabe ndizicinga ezizinto ukuba bakhona abantu bahle abaphila nalentsolongwane. So ke gengomso ndamxelela ndathi sisi ndahlala ecaleni kwakhe. Ndathi njengokuba endimane ndihamba ekliniki ugqirha uye wafumanisa ukuthi ndi ne HIV.  (IsiXhosa) I found out that I'm HIV positive in June 2005. I had pains in my stomach and on my back. I went to the clinic and the doctor asked whether I have ever been tested for HIV. I said no, he gave me a form and said I must go test. I went for the test and when I got to the counselling room the sister who was counselling me asked if I had anybody to talk to at home. I told her that I have my mom. There's nobody that I trust more than her. She brought the results and told me that I tested HIV positive. I was so shocked, really shocked. I left and thought about this on my way home. And I thought there are people who living with this virus. So the following day I sat my mother down and I told her that I've been going to the clinic and the doctors said I'm HIV positive.

Vuyo: Wena mama wayithatha kanjani ukuva umntwana wakho une HIV? (IsiXhosa) How did you take the news that your daughter is HIV positive?

Patiswa Mavis Lindiso: Ukuva kwam ukuba uBulelwa u-HIV positive ndothuka kakhulu. Kodwa ekothukeni kwam ndaqonda intobana ngalamzuzu andixeela ngawo mandihambe ndiye kwi gumbli lam lokulala ndiyokwenza umthandazo omfutshane. Nyani ndathi ukugqiba kwam ukuthandaza ndeza kuye. Ndamxelela ukuba mntwana wam ndiyayamkela ndaye ndazixelela ukuyamkela kwam ndizabasemva kwakhe ndimjonge, ndimbuze ne date zakhe ahamba ngazo ikliniki andichazele. Itreatment yakhe uyandibonisa. Noba uyahamba uya kwi support groups zakhe uyahamba abuye andixelele yonke into ibisenzeka ndimnike ixesha lakhe andibalisele lamabali akhe . Umntwana xa ezile kuwe athi une HIV sukumlahlela ngaphandle. Mamela yonke into akuxelela yona umntwana wakho ngoba aanye abantwana bayahamba bayozibulala kuba abazali babo abayamkeli lento. (IsiXhosa) I was shocked when Bulelwa told me she's HIV positive. After that shock, I went to my room for a short prayer. After my prayer, I told her that I accept her status and knew that I would stand by her side and support her. I ask her about the dates when she has to go to the clinic and she shows me her treatment. Even when she goes to the support group she comes back and tells me everything. I dedicate time to sit and listen to her stories. If your child tells you that they have HIV, do not turn your back on them. Listen to what they have to say, because other children kill themselves because the parents don't want to accept them.

Vuyo: Incebiso yako kwabanye abantwana abangeka disclozi kumakwabo ingaba ithini? (IsiXhosa) What advice would you give other youth who have not yet disclosed at home?

Bulelwa: I-HIV sisifo esixhaphakileyo ngoku esingo yikekiyo. Umntu azixele ukuthi uzakuphila. Umama wam mandimxelele akhekho omnye umntu endizokubalekela kuye. Mandimxelele ukuthi ndi HIV positive. Ngokuyithetha kwakho kungona uqhubekeka nobomi no life wakho irite. (IsiXhosa) HIV is a common disease and it's not as scary anymore. Tell yourself that you're going to live. Tell your mother that you're HIV positive. Once you talk about it you can live to the fullest.

Shalom: Into endi tatshayo ngale insert is the manner  in which our mothers carry themselves when they hear about this because I'm one of those people okuthe nandifumanisa ukuthi ngi positive my mother was there for me and I never really got understand the importance kamama until that day. And to think ukuthi mama wami wakhali kangakanani ngelalanga because she had just gotten through my sister getting ill of HIV and having AIDS. It drew me to her because I had never been as close to her before than I actually became on that day. Because to this day I still look at her and think you know she's been through so much and there's so much that I don't really thank her for. I could never ever be thankful to anybody but God for giving me such a beautiful person as my mother. (IsiZulu) What touches me about this insert is the manner in which our mothers carry themselves when they hear this because I'm one of those people when I found out that I'm positive my mother was really there for me and I never really got to understand a mother's importance until that day. And to think how much my mother cried on that day because she had just gotten through my sister getting ill of HIV and having AIDS. It drew me to her because I had never been as close to her before than actually became on that day. To this day I still look at her and think she's been through so much and there's so much that I don't really thank her for. I could never ever be thankful to anybody but God for giving me such a beautiful person as my mother.

Luckyboy Mkhondwane: Uqinisile Shalom, okuyekanzima kimi kuthi how do I tell umama wami ukuthi like I'm HIV positive. But then okuye kwenzakala akimi ukuthi mina I was forced out I have to come out with my status because umuntu wokuqala endamtshela wawu ngumntu who was my best friend ngalo leso sikhathi. So azange akwezi ukuyigcina kuye lonto leyo because within a week abantu abaninzi ekuhlaleni babe sebazi ukuthi ngi HIV positive. So that's when I decided ukuthi ngcono ndibatsele endlini like ndiqale ndibatsele abazali bam ukuthi ngi HIV positive because ngicabangela lento kuzobanjani ukuthi umama wami aye esondweni or ase taxini esiya emsebenzini ave abantu bekuluma ngami ukuthi ngi HIV positive. But then in her case indlela awangamkela ngayo it was the opposite of what I expected.  Ngangi expecte ukuthi abe emotional uzokhala but then she just showed isupport from ngalolanga lelo. (IsiZulu) That's so true Shalom. The hardest thing to me was to tell my mother that I'm HIV positive. But I was forced out. I had to come out with my status because the first person I told was my best friend at the time but they couldn't keep it to themselves. Within a week most people in the neighborhood knew that I was HIV positive. That's when I decided to tell my parents that I'm HIV positive myself. I was thinking about my mother in a taxi on her way to church or work and hearing people whisper that I'm HIV positive. But the in her case, the way she accepted me, it was the opposite of what I expected. I expected her to be emotional and cry but she just showed me support from that day and she promised to stand by me all the way.

Pholokgolo Ramothwala: (SeSotho) I think fear of the worst from our parents is what stops us from disclosing. Whereas if it's our parents, close relatives or somebody we're close to unfortunately with Luckyboy he told a best friend and that best friend disappointed him. But being afraid to tell somebody because you expected the worst out of them I think is the wrong approach. If you look at this insert and what Shalom is saying it's where you get the support t that you need, so that you don't have to deal with being HIV positive alone.

Busi Maqungo: But I think ezi zistory zontathu including nesi sika Bulelwa ngase ubomi with HIV and disclosure bube ngolahlobo especially kubo bonke abazali. But unfortunately for abanye uthi umntu esaku disclosure ekhayeni lakhe ufumanise ukuba uyacwaswa okanye uyagxothwa okanye ubonwa njenge nto embi okanye umntu ohlazise ikhaya njalo njalo. (IsiXhosa) I think these stories including Bulelwa's, I wish life with HIV and disclosure would be like this with all our parents. Unfortunately for some of us, once we disclose our status we are discriminated against, kicked out or seen as a disgrace to the family.

Shalom: (SeSotho) I've got a friend wouldn't come out because of the things her father would say when he's sitting with his friends or when he comes into the house. He would say things like" oooh so and so is dying, AIDS IS killing them". Its comments like those that break a person down. So she decided "I will never tell my dad. I would rather tell a couple of other people at home what is happening".

Busi: Like umama ka Bulelwa ebesithi phaya abazali mabayeke ukucwaza abantwana babo ngoba abatwana babo banga end up bezibulala. But if you know into youkubana ifamily yakho or people close to you bayaku supporter then you feel intobana " You know what I have already let these people down by becoming HIV positive . Why can't I live  positively kengoku so that I don't let them down the second time" So the positive living it comes out of  them supporting you because you have come out. So its got at the end of the day its got the positive outcome. (IsiXhosa) Like Bulelwa's mother said in the insert, parents should not torment their children because these children may end up killing themselves. If you know your family or people close to you are supportive, then you feel "You know what, I've already let these people down by becoming HIV positive. Why can't I live positively? Why can't I live positively so that I don't let them down for the second?" So the positive living comes out them supporting you because you have come out.  At the end of the day it has got a positive outcome

Shalom: Unganyakazi iyabuya khona manje (IsiZulu) Don't go away, we will be back soon.

Shalom: Siyawmkela futhi ku Siyayinqoba Beat It! Namhlanje sikhuluma ngokudalula isimo  sakho kubantu esiphila futhi nesisebenza nabo . Akhe sibheke udaba lwase Mpumalanga koloni lapho abantu betsela iqeqebane labantu ukuthi baphila nesandulela ngculazi. (IsiZulu) Welcome back to Siyayinqoba Beat It! Today we're talking about disclosing our HIV status to people we live and work with. Let's take a look at this story from the Eastern Cape where community members tell a group of people that they're living with HIV.

Luvuyo Nibe: Namhlanje silapha kwilalai wase Mtambalala, sihamba namalungu akwa TAC ezo ku-disclose apha kuluntu lwalapha eMtambalala. (IsiXhosa) Today we are in Mtambalala, with members of TAC who are disclosing to the people of Mtambalala.

Thandeka Vinjwa: Sicela ukubuza apha ebahlalini ukuba nje ngokuba ngoku niphila kunye ne HIV, ingaba uluntu phangaphandle luniphethe njani? (IsiXhosa) We would like to know from you, now that you are living with HIV, how are people from the community treating you?

Busisiwe Msebenzi: Ndingu Busisiwe ka Msebenzi. Intsolongwane ibanjwe phaya ngo 2007 ndaqalisa udla amapilisi. Mna azange ke ndoyike ukuyipika ekhaya. Ndatsho kumo mdala ndathi ukoba kwenzekile ndafa azayazi sesi sifo. Okokuba ukhona umntu ohleka yo andikeva endihleka kuba ke andinaxala kangako. Nanjengubana bekhona abantu abangekhoyo apha besoyika abantu. Mna andinaxhala nokuba ndifile adizungcwatywa nguye umntu ndizongcwatywa ngabantu basekhaya. Kuba kenyani siyahlekwa kwesisifo. (IsiXhosa) My name is Busisiwe Msebenzi. I found out that I was HIV positive in 2007 and started treatment. I was not scared to disclose my status. I told my mother, that If I die she should know that I died of HIV. If there are people laughing at me, I haven't heard them because I don't have a problem with it. There are people who are not here today because they are afraid of people. I don't care because if I die, they won't bury me. My family will bury me. We are being ridiculed because of our disease.

Ntombizine Mhlwazi: Mna ndingu Ntombizine ka Mhlwazi apha eMtambalala. Ndiqale ukuzibona ngo 2004 ukuba ndi HIV. Ndacinga lento ndisephaya ekhaya ndithini intliziyo yathatha ibeka. Ndathi xa ndishiya lomntwana ndizokumshiya kubani. Hayi ndayicinga lento yade intliziyo yaxola ndimane ndisiya ekliniki ndifike ndilulekwe. Hayi ke ndaziqalisa ipilisi ndazidla kwabangcono nomakelwane nabo akukho nto bangayaziyo ngam. (IsiXhosa) My name is Ntombizine Mhlwazi. I live here in Mtabalala. I found out that I was positive in 2004. After that I didn't know what to do. I worried that I might die and leave my child on this earth. After that I learned to accept my status and went to the clinic and I got counselling. I got treatment and my neighbors know my status.

Sibusiso Ndalindaba: Igama ndingu Sibusiso Ndalindaba khona apha eMtambalala. Nditestile ngo 2000. Kwathiwa ndicaphazeleka yintsolongwane ndanga yi believe lonto leyo ngoba andigulu andinanto. Into nje ayayindisa ekliniki kuba njengokuba ndandisebenza nzima ndandehlile. Ndale kodwa ndagcina ndiyile, ndangayi believe lonto ndathi hayi .Ndaqubeleka ndimane ndigula dasuka ndashinceka ndayeka nomseenzi ndbuya ndahlala ekhaya. (IsiXhosa) My name is Sibusiso Ndalindaba from Mtambalala. I tested in 2000. I was told that I was positive and could not believe it because I was not sick. After some time , I went to the clinic because I was losing weight. I tested and I did not believe the results. As time went by I got sick and I had to stop working and go back home.

TAC member: So ke kubalulekile kodwa akubalulekanga uthi uzakuma phambi kwabantu uthi ndiphila nentsolongwane kagawulayo kanti awukakulungeli oko. Kuba kaloku kukho abazokukhomba njengoko kusenzeka, kube kanti awukakulungeli ukuma phambi kwabantu intliziyo yakho izakuba buhlungu.uphele sowuzivalela endlini.  Ndicinga apha kwi support group kulapho sidibana ngesigulo esinye sisabelana ngolwazi. Ndicinga ukuba zange sigule ngokufanayo sonke apha. Omnye waqala wanebhanti omnye zange abenanto wayo testa enenanto omnye wanenye into.  So senza lanto nokuba sekuvela ntoni ube uqonda ukuba ndizakukwazi ukumelana nayo ngoba ndakhe ndayiva ithethwa kwis upport group. Siyayibona lonto. (IsiXhosa) People must talk about their status once they are ready to face the challenges from people because if you are not ready you will be hurt and you will never want to talk about it again. Some people might judge you and you might get hurt because you were not ready to disclose to people. We are in this support group because we suffer from the same disease and we share knowledge. We have different experiences even if we have the same disease. From sharing these experiences you will be able to handle anything because you have heard it at the support group.

Andile Madondile: Ukuqala kwam uku disclose umntu wokuqala endaye  ndaxelela nge status sam yayi ngumama ndandimxelela ngefowuni . Wabe ephi ese Rhawutini ngelaxesha. Ndibuyile ndithe xa ndixelela i-partner yam ndithe kuvumaniseka ukuthi ndi HIVpositive that is why ndigula ngoluhlobo dingade ndibe right ndithatha zonke izinto ezi. With in two days ndavela ndabona ngaye enyamelele wandishiya nomtwana. But ke mna ndizixelele ukuba okay ndiyile ekliniki ndadibana ne counsellor yandifundisa yandibonisa ukuthi why it is important to disclose kwi partner yam. Ndayazi ukuthi okay ngoyena mntu ndizo haver naye isex at the end of the day lamntu lowa kufuneka ndim protect njani uyayiqonda zininzi ezizinto nokubaleka i-resistance zinzi nje izinto but ke yean after two wavela wandibaleka wandishiya. (IsiXhosa) The first person I ever disclosed to was my mother, over the phone. She was in Jo'burg at the time. Then when I told my partner that I'm HIV positive and that is why I was sick all the time and not getting better. Within two days she disappeared and left me with our baby. I felt that I had been to the clinic and had been counseled on why it is important to disclose to your partner. She was the person I was having sex with. At the end of the day had to protect her for many reasons. But after two days, she dumped me.

Shalom: Uzakudibana nomntu omhle ndibe right nixoxhe nibe right you click in a whole new level nje kubemnandi. And then there comes a point whereby kufanele ukuthi u disclose. It's very hard. I remember I once had a relationship for almost three years umntu engazi ukuthi kwenzakalani ngam .I'm saying almost three years because on the 3rd year I decided ukubana Ie am going to come out . But kuloo three years  within leyo three years  can you believe I used to spend weekends nalo muntu loo but there be times when I take my medication underneath ibhedi  or makazophuma eromini ndiqweshu ithi ingu 8o'clock ndikhawulezise masinyane ndithathe amapilisis ami qwavu makavela hey ndiright. (IsiXhosa) You will meet this beautiful person, you talk and you click on a whole new level. Then there comes a point where you have to disclose. It's very hard. I remember I once had a relationship for almost three years without disclosing. I'm saying three years because on the third year I decided that I'm going to come out. Within those three years, I used to spend weekends with this guy but there'd be times when I would take my medication under the bed or wait for him to leave the room, check the time and quickly take my pills.

Pholokgolo: I think waiting and disclosing late doesn't only harm you but the other person as well and even breaks the trust. Can I really trust you if you've kept something from me for three years?

Fanie deVilliers: I was in a similar situation. I met a girl, I met my fiancé. We started a relationship after I disclosed which took about two to three months. She actually said but if I had told her straight from the beginning she would have only been friends with me. Now we are engaged we are getting married. But it gave her a chance to open her mind and it made me feel comfortable am disclosing in a safe environment. You see but I mean it works different for every individual. You will know when it is right for you. I don't think there is a right time

Busi: I think it works better for men and not for women. Men, us we don't have any problem with you being HIV positive. You men have a big problem with us being HIV positive. I tell you, you run as fast as you can

Andile: Not all of us. For me kwelami icala I would say it worked for me to disclose early to my partner because she ran away from me ne emva kokuba ndimxelele. But after three weeks she came back to me again ezo ku apologize. That is when I had an opportunity to take her to the clinic nawe asambe sobayi two ndixolela ukukukhapha uyo testa uzokwazi ukuthi imeko yakho injani na. As a result ugqibele ngo June, ipartner wam inegative. (IsiXhosa) For me it worked to disclose early to my partner because she ran away. After three weeks she came back to apologize. That's when I had the opportunity to take her to the clinic to get her tested so that she could also know her status. As a result, she last tested in June, she's HIV negative.

Shalom: Sisathatha ikefu Siyabuya khona manje.(IsiZulu) We're taking a quick break, be back now.

Shalom: Siyakwamkela futhi ku Siyayinqoba Beat It! Namhlanje sidingida indlela ezingasetyenziswa ukutsela abantu ukuthi siphila negciwaqne lesandulela ngculazi. Kuloludaba lwase Mpumalanga Koloni sizobona ukuthi abanye abantu bazebaphume kabili ebumnyameni. (IsiZulu) Welcome back to Siyayinqoba Beat It! Today we are discussing ways to deal with telling others that we are living with HIV. In this story from the Eastern Cape we will see that some people have to come out of the closet twice.

Lelethu Bangani: Sise Lusikisiki kwilalai yakwa Malizole sizothetha no Bongi no Thandi abaphila nentsolongwane ka gawulayo abazi lesbians. Ndicela usixelele nge status sakho nendlela awaba infected ngayo. (IsiXhosa) We are in Lusikisiki, in Malizole, to speak to Bongi and Thandi who will tell us how life is living with HIV and being Lesbian. Tell us about you status and how you became infected.

Bongiwe Sigcawu: Ndiphila nentsolongwane kagawulayo. Ndaqala ukuzibona ukuba ndiphila nentsolongwane kagawulayo ngo 2005 ndabe sendiqalisa iARVs ngo 2005 ngo June. Ngekhe ndazi ukuthi ndaba infected njani yabo. (IsiXhosa) I am living with HIV. I was diagnosed in June 2005 and started ARV's soon after testing HIV positives. I don't really know how I got infected.

Thadi Sebeni: Ndiphila nentsolongwana kagawulayo ndaqala ukuzi testa ngo 2003 because ndaye nda rayishwa. So zange ndiphinde ndiphinde ndimthande umntu ongu bhuthi okanye asondele ecaleni kwam. Kuba ndadimonyaya ebomini bam bonke so kukuqala kwam ukuba yi lesbian ndaqalisa ndathandana nabanye amantombaza. (IsiXhosa) I am HIV positive and I was diagnosed in 2003 after I was raped. After I was raped I developed a major hatred towards men. I never wanted men to come close to me. That's when I became lesbian.

Bongiwe: Akukho nto yanditsintshayo ukuba ndiye kubu lesbian but bendizenza zoyi two but ndinga kwazi uku cama out ukuthi ndiyi lesbian. But ndaqonda okay ngelixesha ndivumanisa ukuthi ndi HIV positive abukho obunye ubomi  endinokubuphila kungcono ndiphume come out. Bandazai abantu ukuthi ndiphila oluhlobo and ndi HIV positive and andiyo lesbian kuba ndi HIV positive. (IsiXhosa) Nothing made me lesbian. I was doing both but couldn't come out as a lesbian. When I discover I'm HIV positive, I decided to come out. People should know this is my way of life and I'm not lesbian because I'm HIV positive.

Lelethu: Igaba kunjani ukuphila ubomi kule community uhlala kuyo? (IsiXhosa) What is life like being lesbian in the community you live in?

Thandi: Iyoo kunzima but kunzima kuqala ukuba umntu ephila ngokuba uHIV positive ephuma out ngalonto aphinde futhi kube nzima ezizinto zoyi two zisemntwini oyi one, u-HIV positive uyi lesbian yabona kunzima kakhulu. Ngoba zezona zinto abantu abangazi thandiyo yabona. Abasafuna ukutitswa ngazo  okanye kwenzwe izinto ezinje nge campaign. (IsiXhosa) It's very difficult dealing with being lesbian and HIV positive. It takes it's strain on a person, being HIV positive and lesbian. People aren't open-minded about homosexuality. They need to be educated.

Bongiwe: E mandithi imajority yabo ba-against yona. But apha eLusikisiki yikabikho lanto into ide yenzeke kuye baphelela ukuba bakukhombe qha. But kwzinye indawo siyayibona iyenzeka abantu baphathwe ngezandla babulawe. But ayikho right lonto ngoba thina size lesbians basibona ingathi size zilwanyana asazi ukuthi bathi masihlale phi? (IsiXhosa) The majority of people are totally against homosexuality. At least here in Lusikisiki we only get verbal abuse. We know that in many places lesbians are attacked and killed. It is wrong because as lesbians we are seen as animals. Where do they expect us to live?

Busi: Mna I am just wondering into I wonder ukuthi how are they coping uBongi no Thandi especially kula community ise Lusikisiki. Ukuba it's a rural community and the other day we were talking about abantu abaswelekayo ngenxa ye stigma towards HIV. Now that ephume out nge sexuality intoba bazi lesbian's baphinde baphume out nge lantuka. I can't I just can't imagine inoba bacopa kanjani.I don't know. (IsiXhosa) I'm just wondering how Bongi and Thandi are coping in their community in Lusikisiki. It's a rural community and the other day we were talking about people who died there because of stigma towards HIV.  Now they have to come out with their sexuality, and they're lesbians and come out with HIV. I just can't imagine how they're coping.

Shalom: Kunzima especially xa use zilalini I can imagine. Ungathi kunzima Luckyboy you can attest kunzima elokishini can you imagine ezilalini kuzakuba yinto enjani ngoba kaloku abantu ba primitive aba understandi anything ethi thorwana asingunye umfazi yindoda yeyomfazi nomfazi izakuba yinto ewesi. (IsiXhosa) It's really hard, especially in such a rural setting. It's hard enough in townships, can you imagine in rural areas because people are primitive and won't understand anything  that is not male to female but female to female.

Pholokgolo: (SeSotho) I think another challenge they mentioned is the issue of education. It looks like education is still weak and I don't think it's only in Lusikisiki. I think it's mostly in rural communities. Like Luckyboy said, even in the townships. I think we can relate it with so many examples. For me, I'm just happy that somebody had the courage to do it because if another person gets the courage to do it.

Luckyboy: I've heard abantu asking me like baze kim bathi " how come uthi you are living with HIV whereas we know that you are someone who is gay awuthandani namantombazana uthandana nabantu besilisa?" And I have friends abangama lesbians and who are HIV positive and nabo bayayithola leyo question leyo. It's like abantu abayicabangi indaba yokuthi in spite okuthi mhlawumbi uyi lesbians mhlawumbi before ubuthandana nomuntu wesilisa o ukhe wareyitswa and there are other ways okuthu i-HIV ibe transmitted. Asiyindaba yokuthi zindayo nje ezi rural kuphela yinto nje e-universal ngokubona kwam. (IsiZulu) I've had people coming to me asking "How came you are living with HIV and you are gay?" I have friends who are lesbians and are HIV positive, they also get that question. It's like people don't understand that in spite of the fact that you're lesbians now, maybe you were in a relationship with a man before or you were raped and there are other ways in which HIV is transmitted. It's not just a problem in the rural areas, it's universal.

Pholokgolo: I remember on my 28th birthday I had a birthday party and I was asked to give a speech during my birthday party and for some reason I ended up talking about my own status.

Busi: Was that the first time you were talking about you status?

Pholokgolo: No, that was actually unique because I had all my friends I think about 50 people or 70 people at my house. And I had I mic and I said to them "its important for you to go and test" and I felt even though there were people I didn't know who came with others it was important it was the right platform to disclose my status. And I've got to that point but you will also find that in some place where you get a large crowd of people you talk about your status people start shaking their heads. And it becomes quite difficult to decide when you disclose or when do you not disclose.

Luckyboy: Seriously mina ngi open kakhulu nge status sam kangokuti I don't care ukuthi omnye umntu uthini . But sometimes ngikhe ngibe neyikhathi ngicabange ukuthi ukuba zange ndibe open kanje ke nge status sam especially when it comes kwi ndaba zama relationships, kuba nzima kakhulu. Abantu abaningi abakayitsintsi i-attitudes yabo. So ke mina if I had my way I wouldn't have been this open about istatus sami. (IsiZulu) I am so open about my status that I don't even care what people think. But sometimes I feel like maybe I shouldn't have be so open, especially when it comes to relationships, it becomes really hard. Some people still haven't changed their attitude. So if I had my way, I wouldn't have been this open about my status.

Shalom: Mina Luckyboy ukhuluma iqhiniso because I think I have lost tons and turns of friends because of indaba that I decided ukuthi that I am going to come out to them. I didn't receive the kind of acceptance that I needed from friends so called friends that I had at that time. So I've re-evaluated my way of calling people my friends cause now I call people my acquaints cause I got so hurt. (IsiZulu) That's so true Luckyboy, because I have lost tons of friends because I decided to come out to them.  I didn't receive the kind of acceptance that I needed from friends so called friends that I had at that time. So I've re-evaluated my way of calling people my friends cause now I call people my acquaints cause I got so hurt.

Busi: The other thing about disclosure yindlela esithi emveni kokuba si disclozile siziphathe ngayo. Because if you disclose sakuqhiba uqhubekeke nobomi upositive abantu abayifumani la ground yokuku discriminate. (IsiXhosa) The other thing about disclosure is the way we behave after we've disclosed. If you disclose and continue living your life positively, people don't get that ground to discriminate against you.

Shalom: Futhi ababi ne worry (IsiZulu) And they won't be worried

Busi: Instead they're going to feel stupid. I mean why would you discriminate against someone like Busi?

Andile: Sis Busi undiqhibile. (IsiXhosa) That's it Busi

Shalom: Ukutsela abanye vngesimo sethu sesandulela ngculaza akulula neze but kodwa sonke sakwenza. Ungazisoli oku mzuzu. Sizizwa sinamandla sinempilo kuba asisaphile iphilo yamahloni nemfihlo. Singathanda ukuzwa kini laku Siyayinqoba Beat It! Sibhaleleni imininingwaneni evele kumabona kude wenu manje. Sizobuya ngesikhathi esifanayo khona lapha, ngesonto elizayo. Khumbula zivikele uvikele nabanye Protect yourself protect others. Uze kube ngesozikhathi salani nkahle emakhaya. Bye bye  (IsiZulu) Telling others about our HIV positive status is not an easy thing to do. But all of us who have done it don't regret it for a moment.  We feel stronger and healthier because we no longer have to live a life of secrecy. We love hearing from you at Siyayinqoba Beat It! Drop us a line at the details on your screen now. See you next week same time, same place. Remember, protect yourself and protect others. Until then, stay Bye